Archive for the ‘Image’ Category

There I was, enjoying a chat with a couple of friends in a coffee shop when an acquaintance, who I had not seen for many years, stopped briefly to speak to us. She knew my two friends well, but clearly did not recognise me because after a while she smiled in my direction and asked one of my friends: “Is this your mother?”  I was so shocked I couldn’t think of anything to say at first, none of us could.  Then eventually we said “No” and realising her error she said “Oh you look so alike, are you sisters?”  Oh the damage had been done, dear reader, it was no use talking about sisters when she had just mistaken me for the mother of a 56 year old.  This was especially painful when I had gone to quite a lot of trouble with my appearance that day: I even wore a high necked sweater to conceal my lined neck. When she had gone my two friends did a valiant job of trying to reassure me that I did not look that old.  Knowing how miserable I felt, they sent cheering emails and phoned me the following day and gradually I could laugh about it (just).  I may not be very lucky in the youthful looks department, but I’m very lucky in my friends.

I recently visited a friend of mine who is always stylishly dressed.  And she did look good until I noticed her feet … what was she wearing?  Great flat hideous shoes – I could hardly keep my eyes off them – like some unsightly mole that I shouldn’t be staring at.   Of course I said nothing because I am Mrs Tactful but I longed to know if she suffered from some dire foot complaint that forced her to wear old lady shoes.  Not at all, because when I cleverly brought the conversation around to the subject she told me that she always put comfort first now and hardly ever wore high heels or fashionable shoes.  Reader be warned: unless you want to look like a pensioner, never put comfort ahead of looks, unless you really are going on that Marathon in aid of the Turtle Santuary that you rashly signed up for.

I started colouring my hair years ago when the first few grey hairs appeared.  But a month or so ago I decided to stop: I wanted to see if grey hair suited me.  Now I’ve got over two inches of grey roots and with my pale face I have acquired a haunted look that is frightening young children…  When I discussed my dilemma with a friend she told me about someone who had tried the same experiment: “Everyone thought she’d let herself go and was having a nervous breakdown” she said helpfully.  That is not an image I want to promote, so I’ve decided to go back to colouring my hair and at least now I can have a nervous breakdown if I want to and my hair won’t give me away.

As a woman I’m really envious that men age so well:  it doesn’t matter if they have a few craggy lines or put on weight, they just look more masculine but in a nice cuddly way.  But craggy lines and extra weight look less appealing on women who are supposed to look pretty, not masculine… and you don’t feel pretty if you have saggy skin and your neck looks as though it belongs to a tortoise. It’s also hard to feel attractive if it looks as though you are hiding six bags of sugar under your jumper and two more in those dreadful jogging pants you insist on wearing.  The answer to this problem is not what you want to hear: as women get older they need to put more effort into how they look – well made-up, good hair style, fashionably dressed, (ditch those jogging pants) healthy diet, sensible fitness regime (I’ve gone off the idea already, haven’t you?)  While men don’t need to do anything special and everyone thinks they look fine.

Suddenly I am no longer a person but ‘a pensioner’ – at least as far as the newspapers are concerned. If I happen to tackle a mugger, throw him to the ground and sit on him until the police arrive, the headline would read: ‘Pensioner flattens mugger’ or worse still: ‘Granny flattens mugger’ . But I’m not a granny I would tell the nice twelve year old reporter… so ‘pensioner’ it is. What’s the alternative? “Woman-slightly-older-than-middle-aged-but-in-marvellous-shape-for-her-years flattens mugger”? Yes, well, I can see why they say pensioner… I suppose.